Stepping Into the Canvas
About 13 years ago, when life turned upside down-not knowing what was real or who I was, the search for answers began. Answers of who I am, where I am going, and what is to become of my reality. My reality was not all bleak but filled with anger, fear, and blindness.
It was at this time I first heard the words of Dr. Wayne Dyer – but ignored them. Hearing them again with divine prodding, I could not ignore its message infusing into reality, changing the course of life forever: When you change the way you look at things, things you look at change.
If it were not for a friend in need, and a burning desire to help another, I may not have unlocked the door to infinite possibilities. Listening to the words of Dr. Dyer-something began to click. A funny characteristic of humans is that we cannot see beyond the tip of our nose. When given suggestions of change, we boldly state “I’m good.” For me, this statement was very true.
I was working as a Manager of a Cancer Program at the time, managing rental properties, and trying to maintain a happy household. With children on the way, less sleep…anger, and fear became an intricate part of my day. Then one day, hearing Wayne’s words once again-something happened. I realized life was too short to work knuckles to the bone and too short to lose sight of having happiness as a reality.
“Sell you cleverness, purchase bewilderment.”~Rumi
Sell everything I did!
Caution: selling everything does not mean living in poverty, but means we have defined what’s necessary to sustain a fruitful life…this was the beginning of self-actualization.
Self-actualized do not subscribe to messages of obtaining more, for more is less in many cases. Identifying with self, self-actualized begin redefining reality as they see fit. Having money is not poisonous unless it becomes an obsession, while self-actualized are no longer willing to drink of this poison. As for me-I sold the rentals and stepped down into a staff role versus managerial.
It was through shadows of the past, Light began to shine through. Through shadows and restless nights of sleep, there was guidance into the brightness of days. With a life, filled with anger and fear, yielding nightmares, insomnia, and thoughts of more hate towards self and fellow-man. It was not until later on the pieces, to this great puzzle of life, would fall into place. Through my understanding, it is time to share with others.
It is often stated if we live in fear, or by the flesh, we confine ourselves to that reality before us. Minimizing our possibilities and hindering our beliefs, we remain trapped in the misery of our days. Changing our direction and gaze to the unknown, we expand our consciousness and boundaries within our reality. Religion is a great tool for obtaining keys to the unknown but misused it traps us in a Hell which most sees as paradise. Hell is not paradise-unless you like it hot-I prefer somewhere else like Florida or South America. If it is going to be hot, I would much rather be happy and hot-not miserable, afraid, and burning up.
A dear friend of mine challenged me into closing the boundaries of this book, meaning to tighten the focus. In life, we can have our focus spread thin or we can be locked on target. Finding comfort within the boundaries of our reality, is it possible to find comfort and happiness without any boundaries or borders in life? It is my reality we can obtain this reality of truth.
Before my shift, from shadow into light, nightmares and insomnia prevailed with peace taking a back seat. Making the shift, Peace and Love were restored, and my nights mirrored the days. Studying the dream world, if I slept-still unsure if we sleep or drift off to an unknown reality, seeing a common theme changing within my days. Our dream world will direct us in the true path of the day. The dream world will direct us into the places we must go. Often scary and shocking but assuredly our subconscious is begging for our attention. While we do not need to do anything for anyone or anything it is self that craves something deep within the soul.
In following the path of our shadows, unearthing more fear and hate, we risk unearthing something greater-Love. Through personal Darkness, we find Light. Letting go of what we thought was real, we open our eyes to an abyss of unknown-opening the ‘eyes of spirit.’ My testimony would be thirty years of broken bones and accidents, leading up to the moment I turned over my life to walking in guidance with spirit-it all stopped. When it stopped, other sensory guidance returned. Spirit began speaking directly and challenging me to remove the shackles of fear.
It was very scary, being challenged to do things out of the norm. Like going up to a stranger giving them a message with no pertinent meaning to self but to them, it was a prayer answered through the messenger.
“To see through the eyes of flesh, our view is short and narrow; through the eyes of spirit, vast and infinite.”~Ani Po
So this begins a modern-day ‘hero’s journey.’ One of risk, one of letting go, one of changing realities. I hope that the reader connects with the pages of self and applies them to their personal lives. There is a common theme among all heroes embarking on their soul’s journey-once declaring our purpose and intentions within the Canvas of Life, dormant forces come alive. At the beginning dual forces or opposing, sides will try convincing retreat to past realities. I encourage you to press on. The journey and understanding become easier until the fantasy comes alive while creating a masterpiece within the great Canvas of Life.
Stepping into the Canvas is about each person finding their place in the world and seeing it with awe and wonder daily. To see the Canvas of Life with fresh new eyes, we must let go of old beliefs that no longer serve us. This is the first step. Then moment by moment we arrive in a place of not knowing and knowing all at the same time. Selling cleverness, we create a new sense “all is good”-every day.
It was brought to my attention today, I have yet to write a book. Knowing that the book is already there, something keeps me from writing-setting a stage for my steps into the Canvas of Life.
Well versed in my own words, I remain frozen in fear of what might be. Turns out I am just like many humans who have a dream, failing to move forward in their dreams. I often write about stepping into the canvas but fail to hear its wisdom. Does this happen to you? Do you often advise others only to hear your own words regurgitated back to you?
It is a common trait of being human I guess. One of looking to others for self-acceptance, by telling them what ‘they’ should do. I have learned it is not my place to tell them what to do, but give choices so they may make up their own damn minds. Giving choices to another is as if I am accepting myself for whom I have come to be. Through self-acceptance comes true acceptance for all as a spark of the divine. Knowing this, I must move forward-but something remains clear-I am holding ‘me’ back.
While meeting a friend at her studio Healing Hearts Center, in Lake Geneva, Stacy allowed me to enter a sacred space of spirit. I should have known something bigger was about to happen when an Eagle swooped down in front of my vehicle as if trying to get my attention. My first thought was Spirit was flying with me, later realizing Spirit was speaking through and towards me.
I arrived at Stacy’s studio intending to paint my first ‘real’ canvas but knew deep down spirit had other plans-hiding a deeper meaning within our encounters.
As I began painting, with Stacy’s coaching, I witnessed layer upon layer unfold, as If peeling back an onion of my soul. Layer upon layer, it was presented upon the Canvas of my own Life. With each new layer, a new layer of paint was applied.
Again, I reflect on past writings skirting my journey. Not in a sense of my dealings, but details and intricacies of the lessons. I left so much meaning out of the lessons in fear that it may be too controversial or it may offend another person. The truth is, just as the reality of my painting unfolds, my reality does exist. As my reality is my own, so is your personal story. When God spoke to me, I was afraid to tell people-for those who say God does not speak or even the blasphemy of such an idea, I no longer listen to them. My skirting the details of life was apparent and it was time to move forward. As I move forward with hopes to bring others with-painting a more beautiful Canvas. One of self and a collective Canvas of Life. As we correct our reality the greater whole is seen in a peaceful light.
I will not wonder how time will permit writing or editing of the book, but instead, I will ask that time present itself to embrace the potentiality of my visions. The wording is critical, as my fears can attract more reasons as to not write the book. Being a father and a husband, with my responsibilities, I will need to juggle yet again. I know that it will work in my favor and pen to paper shall begin. I include this in the introduction, as it is a story for many. As new possibilities are free for the taking for one, they’re available for all.
So what am I to write? This is a common question for many who embark on their journey of telling their story. My intentions, however, are not to hear my own story or toot my own horn-instead, they are meant to assist others in getting through their dilemmas of life.
Our stories are so intimate to self, but putting them in writing we run the risk of being vulnerable. Through my years of searching, I have come to many conclusions-one of them being in our vulnerabilities, we find our strengths. Even in appearing vulnerable, we stand firmly in strength. A few years ago, my father expressed this concern, “I am afraid you have lost your edge and you are losing sight of your reality.” My response then and still today, What may appear to be losing an edge, is merely sharpening life skills on both sides to a mighty sword. That sword is the sword of truth.
When I first sat down to paint today, I had no idea what I was going to paint. As the strokes and colors began taking shape, we witnessed layers of my life unfolding onto the canvas. I am at the focal point of my Canvas, surrounding myself with many teachers, comprising of family and friends. No longer listening to the negativity of others or the nay-Sayers of life, Voice of All Creation began to speak through me. Surrounding myself with positive people, taking baby-steps forward, life began taking leaps and bounds through various shifts within my own life. This is the same process many, past and present, have gone through-self being no different.
It is through trusting all will be good, our lives take a turn for the greater good. On a personal level, everything seems to be great, globally brighter all around. As within, so without. Our transformation does change the way we see the world. While suffering still exists in the world, we are more accepting of suffering. As without, so within. On a personal level embracing shadows of the nights, emerging to brighter days.
Today’s painting was monumental to say the least, for it was written back in my thought process when I was twelve years old. Never really understood the meaning behind the dreams of old, but knew that one day I would write and paint a brighter day-and there forward. Do you have a dream? Did you ever have a dream when you were younger, but no idea how to get there? Start asking how it shall come to fruition and it shall be so. In asking we align ourselves with a higher power, available to all, presenting more opportunities-allowing our dreams to come true.
Today, and this day forward, we can live it as we have chosen it to be. Listen to our old ways of ‘that can’t be done’ and we shall hit that mark every time. Change directions to that of ‘I will’ and ‘I can’ it shall be so. Today is the day we step confidently in a new direction-a direction of wonder and awe!
Sitting in a sacred space of writing, I reflect on the sacred space of life. Returning to this sacred space of life, entering a world of sacredness. Within this sacred space, all presents itself for the greater good, singular, and global level. For what we do for the self, we do for all humanity. When we find ourselves, we find the answers to all there is.
A teacher who is indeed wise does not bid you to enter the house of his wisdom but rather leads you to the threshold of your mind. ~Khalil Gibran
Stepping into the Canvas right on time. For it is at this very moment in time that our lives take the turn for our greater good if we see it as so. If we question it, we shall remain in an abyss of what if or what will be. Stay the course, trusting the process of life as we begin stepping towards brighter days-in doing so-All is Good. My hope is that we walk together in growth and self-discovery.