Grasping Future’s Hold

Life lessons appear randomly and deliberately as witnessed. Some person’s aware, some not and some feel everything as a sign. Is it? Is everything a signpost leading to the next? Uncertain while messages still appear, I carry on like a wayward son.

We’ve had these wooden chairs for about thirty years now, to which I’ve had to fix a couple of times. They loosen and rocking mechanism fails or they just fall backwards into a constant lean.

They were made by a family member, out of treated lumber and old fashioned metal springs. So comfortable and if the springs are adjusted properly you could lean back and rest into the chair.

A month ago one of the bolts, that tightens the spring, snapped and the chair remained in a permanent lean to one side.Only way to fix the chair, was to drill out the broken bolt from the welded nut. The welded nut was attached to a ‘U’ bracket, which allowed the user to adjust tension and height of chair. It was time to fix and old problem.

Receiving ‘tapping tools’ from my father, I was ready to drill out the broken piece. Unfortunately the drill bits were not prepared for the task. Five drill bits later, it was time to try a different approach. Each time I broke a bit my thoughts retreated…”Maybe if I try one more time.” So back to the hardware store, purchasing better bits…but they too were no match for this lesson.

Insisting on boring out the stubborn broken piece only created more strain on my physical self.

Getting a deep enough hole, I attempted ‘tap out’ tools to reverse engineer the bolt. That too was no match for this project. The bolts, holding the tension bar of the tapping tool, snapped in half. “Let’s try one more bit.”

The strongest bit was still not strong enough as it too snapped in half…this time penetrating a forefinger and stopping at the core.

Life’s many metaphors are not always obvious. Remaining hidden or attention lacking to life’s many mysteries?

Time for greater measures. Not in frustration but determination of solving the dilemma, I reached for a handheld grinder. Sparks flying everywhere. Hot embers bouncing and piercing flesh. It didn’t matter…I wanted that rigid bolt removed. It is off after four and half hours!

On to ‘plan b,’ which consists of using a double nut without welding one of them to the frame. Not certain if it will work but after assembling, it appears to be holding strong. Fixed! We shall see.

The chair and I battled for many hours. While I feel the chair won, it appears it has relinquished its power over to us once more. Was it a chair or was it a Peterbilt truck that ran me over?

During morning coffee… a visitor approached. Just like many mornings during coffee time, a little furry-friend came to visit. This time right in front of me. This squirrel just sat within inches of my feet, sniffed around and licked the ground next to my feet. I couldn’t reach for my phone as I was frozen in time just observing and listening for messengers words.

I hear once again “Let Go.”

To my reply “I do.”

“Not enough” is what I heard next, followed by “More fluid, free flowing is whom you are to become.”

“Ok. Ok.” I thanked the messenger and off he went.

Reaching for my cup of Joe, a piercing sharp pain enters my thoughts centering at my forefinger. Trying to bore my way through my problems, flesh was torn. As painful as it may be, there is gratitude for Great Mysteries lesson of the day.

I am no longer to hold onto old ways, letting go of forcing issues in the future. Further…no longer grasping for answers to time endless questions of past, present and future…I am just being, going with the flow and adjusting my sails in rocky storms. I hear with thundering tone: drill down, let go, quit grasping so tightly, try not to put your finger on it, painful reflection, move on, it is done, PLAY ON.

This lesson took two days to unfold, as a living guide within took my hand, walking me through past, present and future…entering into a timeless space of reality. Now if I only knew what it was that was processed…Laughing as I let it go.

~Ani Po

Heart Quietly Sings


Quietly sings

Heart’s carried tune

Mouth and vocal cords

Silent lips as too not

Disturbing nature’s flow

Window’s open

Quiet as a mouse

Whilst sleepers sleep

Awakened morning song

Heart reflecting morning sun

Greeted day anticipates

Little friend rests at my feet

Uncertain as to his concern

Called home

Partners wish

Gratitude in presence

Comforted even so

Quietly sings

Heart’s carried tune

Mouth and vocal cords

Silent lips as too not

Disturbing nature’s flow.

~Ani Po