Photo by Geoff Bryant on Unsplash

Does ‘Mommy and Daddy time’

count as a boundary?

Asking for a friend.

Never really understood boundaries until recently while familiarizing myself with healing traumas of past or working with others to heal collectively of the same. One word stood out in all our conversations…boundaries…we need them.

As a child we are given boundaries to either keep us safe or for lack of better words, keep us out of parents hair. Leaving after breakfast and returning before the street lights came on. There was also a commanded respect towards our parents. As we get older we set our own boundaries along with breaking boundaries simultaneously.

On a physical level there are limitations established by others or rules waiting to broken. Whether attempting to break a record time or understanding how to appropriately mingle with another. Some boundaries are meant to broken, while others have a line drawn in the sand demanding ‘do not cross.’

As we get older, we venture out into the world to make a claim at our own. Meeting new people, maybe settling down with someone, all the while learning and growing with these people. With friends it may be easier to create boundaries rather than a loved one or someone close, in fear of hurting them or getting hurt.

Personally, when first married, I established boundaries from others: how often I went out with friends, who I went out with, declaring ‘Taken’for anyone expressing interest. Not cutting off people or friendships but choosing who was a better fit for this time in life.

Years pass, maybe children expand our plus one to plus two, three or more. Our boundaries change with time. With children present we may set boundaries for safety, or declare ‘mommy and daddy time.’ I often wonder if we should have had more ‘mommy and daddy time,’ but believe it all happened as it should. While others claim we should have had more of this ‘mommy and daddy time,’ we both agree it was as it should be. It is said it is more difficult to keep sparks alive when solely living for the children, but I do not think we follow any rules, finding a lot of falsehoods in this theory.

Maybe the kids are older now, entering University or further schooling where the nest empties. Two strangers left behind, having to relearn who they are as individuals and as a couple, while creating new boundaries for each other. Maybe a spouse wants to ‘party like a rock star’and that ship is no longer of interest to you. It may be necessary to tell them “that ship has sailed and I am not traveling with you.” or maybe they have found a new spiritual group and have gone really deep into their spirituality? New people, thought to be a little ‘crunchy,’hosting talking circles remaining foreign to you. It is ok to choose not to go into these circles. Whatever the instance, one individual has a choice to set the boundary and the other has a choice to accept these newly established boundaries.

Maybe our parents have over stepped their bounds and interjected with our parenting styles, talking to the children about how or what they should be doing. Maybe the parents lay guilt on the kids for not visiting? Boundaries maybe necessary in reminding them who the parents are.

Maybe work mates are irritating you in some way? It may be necessary to direct them in our expectations of how we wish to be treated.

Whatever the case in establishing boundaries, it is a sharing of mutual respect for another person. Understanding their expectations, their needs or what-evers and choosing to accept them or moving on and vice versa.

Thanks for reading….